A little known fact about me is that every Sunday morning I check for new post secrets, reading through them slowly and allowing myself to both relate, and feel for the people who have sent them in. This morning I found one that hit me in a special part of my heart that I hold for those that I love. The post secret read: “I get angry at every mother who doesn’t love her children as much as I would love mine, If I could have them.” I felt this stinging inside me that only exists because of the suffering and pain I have seen loved ones go through. One in particular is a close friend of mine. We will refer to her as “Lovely”. Lovely is young, beautiful, and married to a man she loves dearly. She has always wanted children, but unfairly discovered that it is very unlikely she will be able to carry a baby full term. Lovely is a wonderful woman, and would make an amazing mother. She suffers with the pain of endometriosis, which can make it difficult to both concieve, and carry a baby to full term. For those who do not know what this is, let’s define it:
Endometriosis (en-doe-me-tree-O-sis) is an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus (endometrial implant). Endometriosis most commonly involves your ovaries, bowel or the tissue lining your pelvis. Rarely, endometrial tissue may spread beyond your pelvic region.
In endometriosis, displaced endometrial tissue continues to act as it normally would — it thickens, breaks down and bleeds with each menstrual cycle. Because this displaced tissue has no way to exit your body, it becomes trapped. When endometriosis involves the ovaries, cysts called endometriomas may form. Surrounding tissue can become irritated, eventually developing scar tissue and adhesions — abnormal tissue that binds organs together.
Endometriosis can cause pain — sometimes severe — especially during your period. Fertility problems also may develop. Fortunately, effective treatments are available.
Though there are treatments, they can often leave you infertile as well, and so attempting to treat your body naturally is a good starting point to allow your body to accept implantation of a fertilized egg. Using drugs and other scraping treatments CAN work, but are not a guarantee. Here is why this occurs:
The endometrial tissue secretes many important hormones that help facilitate pregnancy. The endometrial implants secret these same hormones, but instead of secreting them into the uterus where they belong, they’ll secrete them into the abdominal cavity or other parts of the body. These misplaced hormones may interfere with the pregnancy process. In addition, the implants often secrete hormones later than the cells lining the womb. This may cause the body to become confused and continue ovulating, even though a fertilized egg has already been implanted. When this occurs, the uterus sheds the old lining, including the egg, and a very early miscarriage results.
I have seen this process with Lovely, and my heart breaks for her. She tries so hard to hide while we are together, but I can see it inside her. She is a strong and wonderful person, and I love her dearly. Each time we discuss her issues, I cannot help but feel a pain inside me because of how fertile I have been. I have the EXACT opposite issue as Lovely, and though I am perfectly aware neither of us have control over it, I cannot help but feel a twinge of guilt as I remember the anger I felt with each unexpected and inconvenient pregnancy. I have never known what it is like to be elated to be having a child. Now I wish I was healthy, and that I could carry her child for her and her husband. I have such an ability to create life, that I would gladly accept an implantation of their egg and sperm, and grow life for them. At this point I would not be able to carry a child without risking health for both the baby and myself. I wish I know someone who loved her as much as I did and was healthy, and willing to provide to her the life she wants so badly! She deserves a baby! She deserves to hold a precious baby in her arms, and give it the love that radiates from her.
She has become one of my best friends over the last few months, and though many of our life views are different, we respect each other enough that it makes no difference in our friendship. I believe in stricter gun laws (not to the extent the government wants right now, but a bit tighter process to receive a gun.) and she does not. I am Pro-Choice, and for obvious reasons, she is not. She is religious, and has a strong faith in her beliefs. I am not religious at all. I have good personal reasons for that, and she respects them. I love finding people who are so like me in so many ways, and has the same level of respect for others that I do to accept differences. This opens up so many ways in which one is able to love, and care for people. She is Lovely, and she is My Lovely. And I wish I could give her a baby. I wish I could give her TEN babies! I wish I could give her those adorable little boys that will grow up into linebackers, playing professional football and making their mama proud! I am not a religious person, but I pray to the universe for her. I wish for her body to accept a baby, and grow. I send out as many positive vibes as I know how, and I have cried for her.
As I have become more and more sick, I have also become more and more open to love. I am not the same person I was even a year ago, and if I was still that person I would not be able to accept and love as I do right now. I would distance myself from Lovely due to the inability to accept any feelings that would have been seen as a weakness to me before. I am so glad that I allow myself to feel this now. I be the strong woman I am, but to love and feel what is around me. I would be missing out on so much that Lovely alone gives to me. Together Lovely, a friend we will refer to as Princess, and me would not have the bond that we do. I know that Princess loves Lovely as much as I do, and I love Princess just as much as I love Lovely! I have made two amazing friends, and I know that Princess prays for Lovely! I know that she knows the joys of parenthood, and wishes with all her heart that our dear Lovely could feel that for herself.
So, in conclusion, I am asking anyone who reads this blog to think of Lovely and regardless of your religion or lack there of, send what you can from your heart to this wonderful woman. I love her so much, and if you can feel ANY of this love from me right now, don’t feel it FOR me. Feel love WITH me, and send it to her.
Send it to My Lovely!