I forgot what it’s like to be fully sober.
To wake up with zero pain medication. One hundred percent in my body, suffering the aches and pains in my fully sober and untreated self. It’s agony.
I threw my back out yesterday, and I have have been in intense pain ever since. I took my last pain pill the day before, on a Sunday, not realizing the Monday was a holiday, my pain prescription was out of refills and I’d have to wait until Tuesday for the Drs to be back in office to get a new prescription. This on top of my regular agony, and my 7 week extra pain recently discovered to be a stone filed gallbladder. Swollen, irritated to the max and ready to come out! My consult is at noon today with my general surgeon to schedule to surgery, but I’m in agonizing pain.
I’m past my threshold. Every joint in my body is aching, grinding, and every inch of my skin is needles and fire. I can hear it in my head when I move my eyes, and my ears drums are so swollen, it hurts to hear the children playing outside my window. A sound I typically adore.
It’s 8:33am. I barely slept last night, even with 150mg of trazadone in my system. The pain was too much for my body to take. It was far too much to sleep through. I’m used to the pain. The agony. The utter endless discomfort and pain. But expecting me to sleep through a gallbladder of this severity of needing to be removed, and my back in this amount of turmoil… On top of all my typical agony? With only anti-inflammatory and topir? I think not.
I just want to be comfortably numb.