Amnesia

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I wish I could specifically erase the memories I have of you that bring on the emotions. The ones that hurt when I hear about you. When I know you’re going to be at an event I want to attend, and I cannot bring myself to go anymore. 

The memories that bring on anxiety and depression in the middle of night, when I’m alone and I know you’re not. You’re with my replacement. The one who could have your kin, and was on so quick to take my place. When I’m at peace, but suddenly I feel your loss, and I hurt. I don’t want that anymore. 

Erase every memory, be it good or bad, and put you back in my mind where you belong. Just another face in the crowd. Just another person I know, but who isn’t past my fortress. Not someone I love and lost. Not someone who hurts me to the core when I see them. When I see you.

I feel so weak and pathetic. I wish I had amnesia.