We all know from my posts that I am a prideful and stubborn woman. I often turn down help offered to me by others simply to avoid any intrusion into my broken life. My best allie is supposed to be my body. It has since become my biggest struggle.
I try my hardest to be everything I need to be, however I often feel like I am falling short. I do my best as s mom, which I think I am pretty damn good at. The biggest struggle for me is financial. I know there’s fund raisers all over the web right now, and even asking for support on this is a long shot. Having started asking for help outside my closest friends and family members, my pride has been taking quite the hit. I can’t help but think of the humbling feelings I’ve had to accept over the last few years. Yes, I am still me… I am still tough girl. I am now just tougher.
We grow up thinking that asking for help is weak. That we are not truly successful adults unless we are able to do it alone! ! Being the stubborn woman I am, I have always felt shame in asking for help.
I open my own door!
I buy my own dinner! My own drinks!
I clean my own house.
Cook for my own family.
Support my own family.
Be my own hero.
NEVER ASK FOR HELP! ! IT’S WEAK! IT’S PATHETIC! DON’T TAKE HANDOUTS! YOU’RE ABOVE ALL THAT.
Pride can be such an ugly thing. It can hurt not only others. .. but yourself. It’s ok I be proud and affectionate towards certain things, but when your pride is hurting yourself AND others. .. that’s a problem. I am on the verge of being completely ashamed in asking for the help I am now facing. The struggle has taken a toll on my finances. For insurance, Dr visits, medication, and past due bills, I have paid out over $1500 in the last 3 weeks alone. I am moving in two days, and am pulling funds from every last place I can. My pride was wounded when I went to the church a week ago for minor help. Packing, moving assistance, etc. And now I’m wounding it even further.
There is a fund raiser on my behalf going on right now online. I was mortified at the thought of this actually happening. However once I got past the initial prideful offense, I realized something. My life revolves around my girls. Everything I do is for them. So why would I be so opposed to allowing help for me, when it directly effects them as well.
So here we go with the fundraising! Each time I think about it, my pride takes a small hit, but I know my ability to make ends meet for them is far more important than my pride. So if you want to donate to my family to help me with my medications, appointments, bills, etc, just follow the links on this post.
Know that even writing this post has brought me to years, and I’ve open and closed the tab multiple times. I finally decided that allowing, and even asking for help, can take more courage than doing it all on my own. I am trying not to look at this like a handout (Otherwise I would never get through it) , but more like love and support for my family. It takes a village, right?