I can’t elaborate how embarrassing and miserable it is to get gastrointestinal bleeding at work. To have to deal with the knowledge that at any time I could have an issue, and end up bleeding all over myself. To be in pain all over from the strain, but not be able to take pain meds because it’ll irritate it further. I’m completely and utterly miserable, and I am very displeased with today. I know it’s in direct correlation with what happened yesterday, but I’m not ready to talk about that yet. I just need to vent, so here goes.
FUCK THIS!!!!! THIS ISN’T RIGHT!!! The body isn’t supposed to be like this! Why is MY body killing itself while others are perfectly healthy??? I just want to function. I just want my body to stop attacking itself! I want a normal life, a normal body. Not this broken bag of flesh I’m stuck in. I’m ok with many things about myself, don’t get me wrong, but why?? And why don’t people believe me? Why don’t they understand I have no control, and stress makes it worse? Why would someone go out of their way to hurt me, and stress me out?? Now I’m going to be fucking sick all week. Yeah… fuck this. Fuck fibro. Fuck celiac. Fuck arthritis. Fuck it all.
I just want to walk. Sit. Run. Talk. Live without pain!!!!! Bah!!!!