Tonight I came across a blog that addresses the way parents are coddling their children these days.
You can find said blog here.
It speaks to letting your children deal with the world, and stepping in only when you are truly needed (within reason). I have often been criticized for the way that I parent my children, as I give them much love, but very little “support”. Now, when I say that, I mean that when my children scrape a knee, I do not come running with a bandaid. When someone calls them a name, I do not run in with comforting words and fighting my child’s battles for them. Here is how those conversations go.
Offspring: “Billy said I am ugly!”
Me: “Well, that was rude. Do you think you are ugly?”
Me: “Well, just because Billy said you are ugly doesn’t make it true. People say mean things. You’re fine.”
End conversation. This is the same if they call them stupid, or dumb, or anything else. My point to my children is that people say terrible things, however this does not mean that it is true, and if they are perfectly aware of the falseness of the statement they should simply move on and ignore said rude child. I do not feel like I need to constantly coddle, and shield my children from the world they are going to have to face one day. They are already facing the world every day, and it only gets more and more cruel! Now, if my child calls another person ugly, that is when I am stepping in! My child being cruel to another is NOT going to fly with me, and my child will get scolded, and punished accordingly. I am not raising a “Billy Bully”. I very much agree with her when she says:
“Your child, who you cater to every need, who you shelter from all things “evil.” How will this child react when he or she grows into adulthood? “Debbie” graduates from high school and goes to college. She writes her first paper and meets with her professor about that paper and the professor tells her that it’s junk and it will get a failing grade. How will Debbie cope with that if she’s always been made to feel that no one should ever make her feel sad, or criticize anything she does?”
There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive person. They is nothing wrong with being a soft, kindhearted, SWEET person! But if you can’t handle a day in reality, then there is a problem. You can be all of the above! A sweet, kind, soft person who CAN handle life as it is thrown at them. You can be that person. I am not one of those people, as I can’t help but have this hard shell I have developed over time, but please don’t think I am bashing on kind, sensitive people. I am very sensitive to the needs of my children when the NEED is REAL. Hurt feelings are very much real, but when you are deeply hurt because of the cold hard truth, that is about the time you need to suck it up. If someone is saying something simply to be cruel, you need to learn to walk away and let it go. When someone insults you, it says nothing about you, but MANY things about them. We have all had our times where we have been bullied, and even BEEN the bully. (Don’t pretend you haven’t!) At the end of the day, I want to raise women (3 girls, remember?) that are strong, but sensitive. Bold, yet sweet. Smart and brave, yet kind. THIS is what she is getting at, and THIS I agree with wholeheartedly! To quote her once again:
“Everyone parents differently, and I respect that. The current generation may be one that expects nothing less than everything from this world. But I know of two gentlemen that are going to be able to accept failure and move on having learned something from it.
I know of two gentleman who will be hurt emotionally, but who will be able to work through the hurt and carry on with life. I will cushion the emotional fall as much as a mom can, but I will not completely prevent it from happening. They will not expect whoever hurt them to be punished. Heck, I might even teach my children the power of forgiveness.
These two gentlemen will understand the value of hard work, and know that hard work is required to get where one wants to be in life.
They will, while understanding the need for caution, appreciate that not everyone out there is out to get them. Not everyone is out to do evil things.
These gentlemen will understand that there are about a gazillion people in this world. While they are incredibly special to me and my family, they are not special to the world. That probably sounds terrible, but people! It’s the harsh truth, and it needs embraced!”
I may be a hard, blunt, and often crass woman, but I will say this: I am doing my damnedest to raise my girls as this woman wants to raise her boys. I let my girls play in the dirt while wearing pretty dresses. We do our nails, and then play trucks! We take our dolls on motorcycle rides, and if we crash, we brush ourselves off and we get back up! I once held my oldest daughter’s hand in the ER while she received 120 stitches in her right hip from crashing a bike. She bit her lip and she SUCKED it up! I was so proud of her (and annoyed that she wasn’t watching where she was going on her bike and crashed into a car) that day, watching my girl keep her shit together while even I wanted to fall apart. We held hands, and she pushed through the pain. I am almost positive that I am the only one that cried that night. I stood my ground, and I was the brave mommy my baby needed me to be, but after all the lights were out and that baby was sound asleep and all stitched up, I cried my big mommy tears. THAT is what I want my girls to be. As many flaws as I have, I want them to grow up being thick skinned! I loved this woman’s post, and I hope that there are more and more people who stand up and say to their whiny kids, “MAN THE FUCK UP!”