Morning Insanity

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As a single mom with RA some days are extra hard on me, as I have two little ones (6 and 3) that are completely insane. I say that with as much love and adoration as possible, but these two are awful. Ever since I got sick they have realized that mommy has little to no energy to deal with their insanity, and punishments are generally weak, if they even exist half the time. A simple “Please don’t do that” or a very angry mommy voiced “KNOCK THAT OFF!!” is what they experience on a daily basis. I am aware that my inconsistencies are part of the problem of their misbehavior. That and the fact that they only have one parent. Their fathers (yes fathers) are not around, and never really have been. We will refer to them as Girl Offspring #2 (GO2) for short, and Girl Offspring #3 (GO3) in this blog. GO2 has never met her dad, as far as she remembers. He abused my son just after she was born, and I took full custody of her. GO2’s dad was a bar fling after 2 years of being single. Being four years my junior, never having a real relationship, nor living away from his coddling mother, after 2 1/2 years I just couldn’t stand the guy anymore. Since then he has spent the majority of his time partying, and creating another child of which whom he also does not take care of. Luckily I was able to finally get some child support, but with him not being able to hold down a job, it hasn’t been the most consistent. I am on my own.

13989386-little-girls-wearing-a-pink-jacket-playing-with-colorful-paper-ship-in-the-puddleThis morning I woke up to the sounds of children playing outside my house. I looked at the clock. 8:38am. What are kids doing outside this early. I heard laughter and realized that it was my children. I jumped out of bed (holy fucking OUCH), opened my second story window and yelled at them to GET BACK INSIDE RIGHT NOW! I promptly got up, used the bathroom, took my medication and headed downstairs. Much to my surprise, my once clean livingroom is now covered in food, toys, and toilet paper. What.. that.. fuck? Ok.. I am mad. “GO2!! WHERE ARE YOU?” No response. “GO2! GO3!!! WHAT THE HELL?! WHERE ARE YOU! GET IN HERE NOW!” No response.

I walk out the front door, and notice there is a laundry basket on the front lawn of my townhouse. Lovely. The clothes are strew on the dirty floor inside. Awesome. I call out for both of them again, and walk up and down the sidewalk. No response. Heading back inside I noticed the back door was slightly open. I walk out into the yard. Toys from the shed I had confiscated from them for misuse are thrown everywhere. The shed door is wide open, and there’s a train of junk. I am having family over for a BBQ today, and so this just irritates me. Walking out the back and into the large community yard, I call for them again. No answer. I hear rustling inside the house and hurry back in. “GO2!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!” GO1 looks at me with a strange face and asks, “What happened?” She is 13 years old and looks almost identical to me. She is my savior. Without her, I would not be able to function. She does things for me that the lacking co-parent would do. I feel guilty, but she does it willingly, knowing I am ill and I need the help. “GO2 and GO3 are missing! Help me find them!”

As I run back out the front door, my body aching already and pouring sweat, I notice movement in my car. I step closer and see that they are both in the front seat of the car, each pretending to drive. I scream for them to get out of the car, and see extra movement in the back seat. CATS!! The neighbors cats are IN MY CAR! I am allergic to cats, so this is just the icing on the cake. The windows are up, so there is no way they crawled in there themselves. My girls come flying out of the car, realizing how much trouble they are really in, and inside the house. I carefully remove the cats from my car, trying to touch them as little as possible Ugh… great. My throat begins to feel tight immediately, and my skin itches. What a great start to my day!

The next few hours consisted of deep cleaning, organizing and packing things into garbage bags. This is a terrible mess, and I have no idea how it even happened. The stress begins to overwhelm me, and I decide randomly to sing. Yes. Sing. I sing about my frustration, and it went something like this: *To the tune of The Never Ending Song* “Yes this is the day that really sucked! I woke up to such a mess! I told the girls to come inside and clean up their mess, but instead the put cats in my car and now I’m really pissed.” I continued to clean like this, and the anger eased up. I like this much better than freaking out. It may come off as insane, but I would rather come off as insane than explode. Keeping in the spirits of humor, I decided to vent on facebook about my morning. Everyone knows how my kids are, and that I have a hard time with them sometimes. This is how it went:

This is what I imagine the conversation went on between GO2 and GO3 this morning.

GO2: You know what would be so freaking cool?!? Playing with toilet paper rolls. We can use these awesome tweezers we stole from mom’s bathroom!! It will help usto spread raisins everywhere, and we can try to feed them to our 500 naked Barbies we decided to bring downstairs for no apparent reason otherwise to piss mom off for the umpteenth time this weekend!

little_girl_laughingGO3: That sounds like the most AWESOME plan EVER! You know what would be freaking KILLER? Since it’s only 8am and mom is still sleeping, exhausted from dealing with our insanity yesterday, let’s take this random laundry basket, dump all the clean clothes on the dirty floor, and go outside with it. That sounds awesome!

GO2: THAT SURE DOES!!! Know what else would just be the best thing in the whole world? Since mom is allergic to cats, let’s get the neighbors cats and put them in her car! That way she can have a terrible allergic reaction every time she gets in the car to go to work to work her butt off to support our crazy little asses ALL BY HERSELF!!!

GO3: That would be so EPIC! While we are at it, let’s get into the shed in the backyard and spread everything across the yard for no apparent reason. Since mom is having family over for a BBQ, won’t they be so impressed with all the random SHIT everywhere?

GO2: For sure! Let’s also so it in tutus that we wore from Halloween, and cut off chunks of our hair.

GO3: PERFECT!!!

My friends and family reacted appropriately with condolences, words of encouragement and humor. They all understand how I function, and know that if I could be the person I used to be, and have the capabilities I used to have that none of this would be happening. That I would have a much better grip on my life right now, my children, and my home. I have spent the last few hours cleaning, and am now taking a much needed break. I am going to make myself something to eat, as I have yet to eat, though it is almost noon. The irritation made me nauseated, and the though of eating made me sick. I just wanted to share in the interesting things my children do (also, this is not an uncommon occurrence. I cleaned the house 3 times yesterday), and how my day to day life goes at home. This morning was crappy, but the BBQ should be fun.

Morning insanity. Phew!

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