First Off: I think I might be addicted to blogging now.. and that is ok.
I woke up this morning swollen and in pain. I was awake off and on for about an hour before I actually got out of bed. Once I got to my feet, the same thing that I have been experiencing for the last few days happened. My swollen feet squished beneath my weight, and my right leg screamed in pain!! I am limping today, and I look awkwardly like a penguin. Reminds me of being pregnant. I was able to make it to the bathroom; spent about 15 minutes on the toilet because I didn’t have the energy to get up. Good morning rheumatoid arthritis! I text my co-workers and let them know I was not doing so great, but I would try to make it in.
I made my way downstairs, and realized that I had yet to take my medication. Ugh.. there is NO way I am making it back up the 15 stairs to my bedroom. Sending your 6 year old daughter to fetch your pill sorter is a bit sad, but it is my life now, and I need to accept it. I made my way to the couch, and settled in. My hips are killing me, and my whole right side is in pain. My whole body tingles, and I feel really warm. My little ones are crying for food (they always think they are starving), but I don’t have the energy to get back up yet.
I have been reading about some of the ways to deal with RA. I am wanting to get back to the gym, and start doing a few work outs. Swimming, and very light walking seems like the best way to start. One thing that I have been reading about dealing with illnesses is physical contact. Having full body physical contact with another human being actually releases healing hormones, that also help and can even prevent depression. One article on ABC News goes into this a little bit further. I have been having my girls snuggle me when I am feeling icky, and laying on the couch. I have to admit that it has helped, though I have ended up with some bruises from their little elbows and knees. Overall, it is worth the minor bumps and bruises.
I have a few male friends that I know who would be willing to come over and snuggle with me, but I am afraid that they will expect sex. After reading around the internet further, it seems that cuddling, then sex, then cuddling again ACTUALLY helps your immune system, as well as other benefits. The benefits of sex for physical healing is quit surprising. Being a single woman, I can’t help but think that perhaps I should inquire and begin a casual sexual relationship. I have started such a relationship with Josh, and I am considering showing him the links I have posted above. Maybe make some kind of arrangement with him so that he can help me feel better.
My last post talks about how I am going to kick RA’s ass, which is what has prompted me to look into ways I can heal myself and help get back to normal. The medications I am on are a great starting point, and I may need to increase a few doses or even go on something stronger in the future. I need to prepare myself for that, and be ready to kick some ass if need be! But this discovery is peaking my interest. I am not a real touchy feely person, and am not super fond of coming in contact with people.. but now.. now I am thinking that I actually need to come in regular contact with people on a daily basis. I feel like one thing I need to do in order to be the badass I need to be is to help myself heal. Physical and sexual contact is an easy to administer home treatment for pain, and helping my immune system.
Now, my readers may think I am very odd, and being open to casual sex means that I am promiscuous. This may be true, though I mentioned before that I tend to be a serial monogamous. What I mean is that for the last 14 years I have entered into 5 serious relationships. The first one lasted off and on from the time I was 14 until I was 17. We had a baby girl together when I was 15, and during my pregnancy he became addicted to meth. I tried for years to get him to get off the drug, but to no avail. After 3 years I finally decided that it was time to give up. I was single for about 6 months before I started my relationship with my now ex husband. We lasted 3 years, and had a son. Then came the rebound a month later, and we lasted 18 months, and had a baby girl. I decided at that point that it was time for me to stay single, and I casually dated for about 2 years, but never had a real relationship. One night, I took a man home that I had known for about a month, and we started our relationship. This lasted for 2 1/2 years, and resulted in a baby girl. Now, don’t think I am stupid and just don’t know how to use birth control! My oldest daughter was conceived from pure ignorance, and ONE time without a condom. I can name the date, and almost the exact time I conceived her. The other three were ALL conceived with multiple forms of birth control. I decided to get my tubes tied after my 4th. I had enough with accidental pregnancies. My 5th serious relationship came just two months after my relationship ended. This was with Jeff, and if you have read any of my previous blogs, you all know how this ended. At least I didn’t have a baby with him… that would have been awful. But I digress…
Now that I have been single for about 2 months now, and still have NO urge to be in a relationship with anyone, having the cuddles and sex that I need to help me heal is going to have to occur with casual sex, and cuddles. I am sure that my male friends would have no issues with this, however I do not want to have multiple sexual partners. This is where it gets complicated for me. If I want regular cuddles to help with my healing, I am going to need more than one person. Cuddling with just one person is going to start to create an emotional bond with them, and I do not want that to happen. Also, it may send the wrong message; I do not want a relationship!! However, I do want to heal and honestly.. at this point being a serial cuddler at this point sounds much better and more applicable than being a serial monogamous.
Being sick with an autoimmune disease is hard in general, and doing it alone is ridiculously hard. I have to admit that I need help, which is very hard for me. So in order for me to kick rheumatoid arthritis’s ass, and get my life back I need to allow myself to accept every type of treatment that I can get to get myself back there. Back to who I was, and back to where I want to be! So, is this something I should take into consideration and become a cuddle slut?
I am strongly considering this…