Late at night

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scream-Melissa-ODonohue-FlickrI remember when I fell.. I was terrified, and I wrote this. It was too late for me then, and it’s too much for me now. Also, eff this blog. I love it, and now I hate it because I know he reads it. I am allowed to share my inner workings, but to have him text me and be cruel to me because of them? That’s just not fair. 

Anyway.. here.

 

 I’ve never fully fallen in love. I’ve always one foot out the door, waiting for that moment it hurts enough to run. Push me, baby, I’m halfway gone.

I’ve had my fair share of troubles; My heart is a patchwork tangle of fragile thread. A simple tug, it falls apart… It’s not your mess.

9b329-woman-fallingI walk a fine line between sanity and complete self destruction. How I remain standing, I’ll never know. Push myself to the edge of emotional dysfunction. I’m teetering.

I want to let it all go. Release the weight from my shoulders, be free and fall. Fall for you, but heights terrify me. It’s a long way down.

So edge to edge, heartache and history ruling a once brave soul, I stay. Immobilized by the fear of what could be and what will hurt. Protecting everything. Preventing nothing.

I want to love.

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